I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
