Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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