Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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