So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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