I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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