The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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