I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize