i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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