Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
