It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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