I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
