Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize