I've blown a few things in my day
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize