Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
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Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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