What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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