Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
