I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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