he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
