batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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