How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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