I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
