oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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