those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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