I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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