she woke up with a sticky ear
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
