i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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