I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
