Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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