I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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