I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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