he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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