Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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