Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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