too bad you live with your parents still
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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