I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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