planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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