PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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