Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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