I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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