Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
