I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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