Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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