Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
