That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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