I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if only i could text you this smell
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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