I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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