Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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