I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
