I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
