Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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