if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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